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This document is tied to the Teammates Worksheet provided. It is meant to serve as examples to reference while filling out your homework. I recommend having this pulled up on your monitor, as you work on the actual document.
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Example #1
Behavior/habit: Jack, I think you’re an excellent engineer. You are clearly a systems thinker, and I sincerely appreciate your ability to see things in both the large picture, and the granular.
Feeling: When you do this, I feel at ease, joyful, and full of admiration for you.
Example #2
Behavior/habit: Jane, I really admire your leadership skills. You are great at betting the entire farm using calculated bets, and this is what has helped the company succeed.
Feeling: I feel an immense amount of trust and respect in you when you take charge on the visionary front and lead the team.
Behaviors/habits you can write about:
Feelings you can write about:
Example #1
Story: The other day when we had our 1-1, you kept interrupting me. Every time I started speaking, you interjected with your own opinions and cut me off. The story I told myself is that you didn’t care what I had to say, you thought you were better and smarter than me, and you see me as nothing more than your errand boy/girl.
Feeling: This story made me feel belittled, frustrated, sad, and angry. It made me feel less-than, like you didn’t respect me or care about what I had to say. I thought, “What the hell! Do you even know how to shut up? Why do you always think you know more than me!”
Steelman: Without the emotional bias, I realize you probably were just really excited to share your opinions and thoughts with me, and maybe a little nervous for the investor pressure being put on you to figure out the solutions to our problems. You probably didn’t even realize you were interrupting me.
Request: In the future, I’d appreciate it if you would let me finish my sentences and thoughts before you jump in. I would also like to be able to remind you, “I wasn’t done yet” and would appreciate you not getting triggered if I say this to you.
Example #2
Story: For the past few weeks, we’ve been arguing about who should own the product roadmap. You told me I get to own it, but then you jump in, change all my plans, and then tell my team about the changes without running it by me first. The story I’m telling myself is that you are purposefully walking all over my boundaries, micromanaging, power-tripping, and not realizing how much you’re undermining my authority with the rest of my team.
Feeling: This story made me feel embarrassed in front of my team, angry at your flip flopping decision-making, and dejected/demotivated at the idea of doing my job. I thought I was brought on to be an equal thought partner to you.
Steelman: Without the emotional bias, I realize that we just never really had a transparent conversation about how to work together on something as sensitive as the product roadmap. I think you probably feel scared that I’ll cut you entirely out of decision-making or opining on product at all.
Request: In the future, I’d appreciate it if we co-created a decision-making framework for us to rely on. Even if you end up being the final decision maker, which I can respect, I want to feel like my opinions are heard and like you respect my expertise. I don’t think it’s fair to ask you to go my way every time, but I do need to feel like you value my input and contributions on the product front.
Behaviors/habits you can write about:
Feelings you can write about:
Try transforming the emotions on the left into the emotions on the right - these are typically better received.